He’s fifteen going on fifty. Face riddled with acne,neck plastered with eczema and is so skinny that he dodges the water droplets whenever he takes a shower.His father has high hopes of him becoming a soccer star, but just last week his son faked yet another asthma attack so that he would spare everyone the trauma of watching him play football. He wants to fit in but seems to be looking from the outside in.He’s uncool in every sense of the word.
If cultural activities were a sport,he’d be the captain.In fact,he decided to attend this prestigious,all boys high school solely because at the age of ten, he heard the senior boys choir of this school sing and was enthralled. His peers have questioned his sexuality due to the fact he’s developing an interest in fashion and he’s never really been into heavy Rap and Hip Hop music but prefers soulful R’n’B. Rummaging through his dad’s Old Skool record collection is high up on his list of priorities.
He loves drama. For a reason unknown to mankind,he lands himself all the female roles but hey,this is what they did back in Shakespeare’s day right?Later on this year he will be cast as Lady Macduff in the school’s production of Macbeth. He will stand in that costume with cleavage that was sewn on lopsidedly. He will scream and run off stage in front of 200 plus spectators from his school as well as different girl schools from across Zimbabwe.
This ladies and gentlemen was me.I loved my secondary education and have such fond memories of my high school experience. It’s just that I used to suffer from intense stage fright when it came to any form of interaction with women.My legs would turn to jelly,my sweatglands would go into overdrive and Hopper the frog would ask for the GPS coordinates to my voicebox.I was both shy and awkward to say the very least.
Please go ahead and read the 10 pointers I wish 25 year old Tinashe, who is still grateful for Toni Braxton and Indie Arie’s music,had given 15 year old Tinashe all those years ago as a way of guiding him in his interaction with women.
1) Move in the same circles (find common ground):
We naturally gravitate towards people with similar interests, be it serving together at a local church;analysing poetry for hours on end, during an extra literature lesson next door or travelling. Doing Group activities with people who are passionate about the same things not only levels the playing field, but it also improves interaction.
Constantly doing things in a group set up affords you the opportunity to see how other people communicate and carry themselves. With time,you’ll begin to notice ‘THE ONE.’ Let’s call this phenomenon:‘the only person in the room syndrome’. That syndrome which causes you block out all other options.
2) Initiate and lead:
So she also loves the poem, ‘Composed Upon Westminster Bridge’ by William Wordsworth, you know this because you heard her recite it so eloquently. After counting from 1 to 10 in your head a hundred times over, you have finally plucked up enough courage from the heavens to step up to her. There’s no backing out now as you’re standing face to face. After much stuttering, you managed to get a number,her real number at that.Congratulations,this is but the beginning of what could be an exciting journey.
Take the initiative to ask her out on a date,it doesn’t have to be extravagant,coffee is usually a winner. When you ask,do yourself a favour and call her rather than sending a text message. It shows courage on your part.
3) Accept rejection with arms wide open:
I have a confession,I have this nagging,constant fear of rejection. You know what I’m talking about? The fear that prevents you from approaching the woman of your dreams because you feel inferior?She is after all,the most popular girl in town.
The truth is, fear cripples and prevents you from propelling forward. I approached my older brother on the subject of rejection and these were his thoughts:
“Young man,you need to desensitise yourself against the fear of rejection. Men have been hunters for centuries now. They didn’t always catch prey, but each day brought a fresh new challenge to bring game back home.”
He was saying that as a man,you should forget the disappointment of the previous day and go out again full of expectation. Rejection doesn’t kill a man,it only leads him closer to a relationship he will value more. Rejection is part and parcel of manhood.
4) Call a friend:
Thankfully you didn’t have to scream into your pillow last night,because she took you up on your offer. A day has been arranged for the first date.At this stage remember that every David needs a Jonathan. This is the wing-man,the best friend who knows you inside out,values and belief systems included. The guy who will speak up on your behalf when you swallow your tongue. He knows that you’re head over heels for this girl and will lovingly support and encourage you.
In some instances,he will do a thorough background check of the girl, and may go as far as finding out what her shoe size is, Anyone ever heard about Facebook stalking? When necessary,he will offer a word of caution and will help you think clearly because he knows that at this point, the emotions and the daily overdose of Dopamine from your brain are doing most of the thinking for you. He however,respects the fact that you’re mature enough to make a decision.
5) Process the awkwardness-awkward moments make for great stories!
It’s the night before the date. Two buses,a train and a plane have brought you to this moment. Your feet are frozen to the ground and your blood is boiling. Your mind is screaming :
“Like seriously dude,what the *@#! are we doing here?!”
You read point #3 about accepting rejection again but that doesn’t cut it. You send an SOS to Jonathan, who steps in and encourages you.
Feeling a bit nervous and awkward about the first date is perfectly normal. Remember she’s probably feeling the same. Just think of the song ‘Relax,take it easy’ by Mika. Awkward moments like spilling your Spicy Vanilla Chai Latté all over yourself or grabbing hold of her hand for the first time will make for great stories in the future.
6) Be Authentic:
Honesty is honestly the best policy.Women love men who are honest about who they are and what their interests are.Don’t try wear shoes that don’t fit as walking in someone else’s identity will eventually get uncomfortable. Unfortunately we all can’t be Hulk Hogan. Say for example she supports Arsenal and you don’t know a thing about football. You’ve heard about David Beckham and you say:
“I also love the Gunners,remember that year David Beckham scored that epic goal,which resulted in them winning the Barclays FA Cup Premier League Final?”
Dude,you’re clearly not a football fanatic so you don’t have to pretend to be one. Do however tell her what your interests are. This paves the way for deep conversation that goes beyond the surface. This will let her into your mind and let’s her see how you think and see the world.
7) Show her that chivalry still exists:
N.B BRING YOUR MANNERS!!! Just the other day,my friend was expressing her disappointment in men she’s gone out on dates with. There was no opening and holding of doors,no chairs were pulled out for the young lady and things got awkward when the guy expected her to foot the bill. I know, shocking right?The sad reality is the fact that many women don’t even expect chivalry anymore. Gentlemen,this is not on.Jay-Z may have tried to kill auto tune but show her that her time is valuable to you by being chivalrous. CHILVARY IS NOT DEAD!
8) Honour and respect her:
In line with being chivalrous, lead the conversation but allow her to talk. Listen to what she says and maintain eye contact. She deserves your full attention and will appreciate the time spent together if she feels like you heard her out.
Communication does indeed go both ways but she will be grateful for the fact that the conversation was not only centered around you and your love for the gym. Remember to compliment her and to tell her how beautiful she is especially since she took the time to look good for you.
9) Take a breath mint:
Congratulations,you’ve now reached the stage in your relationship where it’s no longer about coffee dates. At this stage you’re comfortable enough to take her to the ‘Two for one burger special’ at Spur on a Monday. The first Spur date went so well that you’ve taken things up a notch. I’m talking ALL YOU CAN EAT RIBS BABY!!! You picked her up at 8 pm sharp,got to Spur,held the door and remembered to pull out a chair for her.The rack of ribs kept coming,the Windhoek Lager flowed,she enjoyed the sweet rosé,you chewed on the bones,she loves the fact that you can eat so much and you loved the onion rings. Well that’s exactly my point; brother man,remember the breath mint so as not to offend your girl with offensive contagious onion breath.Can I get an amen?!
Okay,okay,it’s not so much about the breath mint but more about grooming. We all have a unique style we identify with but at least try not to look like sloppy Joe.
10)Accommodate her friends:
“If you wanna be my lover,you gotta get with my friends.”-The Spice Girls
By now,she has told her closest girlfriends about what’s been going on.Her best friend has gone as far as following you on all the social media platforms that you subscribe to. You better make sure that you have a clean track record bro, as the best friend doesn’t want her friend to get hurt.
Women tell their friends everything from the get go. This usually happens in general conversation, whilst they paint each other’s nails, as they dream about the perfect way a guy should propose and fantasise about what the wedding day will be like.Ha ha,excuse the intense generalisation. As a man,prepare yourself for the level excitement her friends will have,if they like you that is and as far as possible allow them to walk with you in your relationship journey.
Every awkward Tom,Dick and Harry’s story is unique. There’s no particular set of rules that one can follow per se,however the very first important bold step is approaching the woman you like. It’s pointless to let your feelings for her eat away at you especially if she doesn’t know that you’re interested in her.
“Take a step forward lads – it will be easier that way.” Robert Erskine Childers
All the best Bro, I’m behind you all the way,before you quit reading this post and ask the girl out for coffee,please leave a comment and share this post with your awkward friends on Facebook and Twitter.
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